Thinking about leaving everything I know, and starting over...

"Random Commenter" (theemptykinja) 08/06/2015 at 05:48 • Filed to: None

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Hello.

If you are reading this, then maybe you’re the kind of person I need to hear from right now... See... My life sucks. Actually, that is an understatement... but I currently lack a better phrase/word to explain it.

I’m a 34 year old male, I’m stuck living in my parents house, and my life has been one blunder after another... Some things didn’t work out because I didn’t have the resources I needed for it to work... And some just didn’t work out due to bad luck... and some didn’t work out because I literally have the shittiest human being for a father, and he went out of his way to fuck me over. I know to the average person, this sounds like me blaming him for my failures, but I assure you, it’s not. To show what I mean, here’s an example:

When I was 22-23 (and again stuck living in his house) I decided that I wanted to do more than work at some dead end retail job making minimum wage, and so I decided to say “fuck it” and so I looked into going to Universal Technical Institute... I decided that I was going to sign up for classes, and the Porsche specific class program they had. UTI was more than helpful in trying to secure me the funds to go to school, but despite my and their best efforts, FAFSA didn’t provide me enough to go to school, and without a cosigner, the banks would only provide so much... Without a cosigner for the bank loan, I was going to be $12,000 short of paying for the courses... And so I went to my father, and I asked him if he would cosign my loan so I could go to school... His reply?

“No. I’ve never co-signed a loan for anybody, and I’m not about to start now”

I was pissed, but that was what I was expecting him to do anyways, so it was whatever... Par for the course. But this is where it got really fucked up. My grandmother had heard about me trying to go back to school to work on building a career for myself, and so she talked things over with my grandfather, and they decided that instead of cosigning a loan for me, that they were going to flat out pay for me to go to school (they were wealthy, and could easily afford doing so). They were going to cover all $33,000+ of tuition for me, because they wanted to see me succeed. When my dad found this out, want to take a guess at what he did? Did he let them do what they wanted to do, so I could go to school and build a career for myself? Did he do that, and then give me words of encouragement, and tell me he was glad to see me trying to better my life?

No. He didn’t.

He immediately drove over to their house, and said who knows what, for who knows how long, until they decided to not help me at all. He literally went over there specifically to fuck me out of an education that would have helped me get a career. This is but one example of his meddling in my life to give you a flavor of who I’m dealing with: A Man who goes out of his way to fuck over his own child. Repeatedly, might I add.

So, now that you understand that... I, once again, have found my self stuck living in his house... And frankly, I can’t take it anymore. I am currently unemployed (the jobs situation in my area is shitty), and due to my spotty “over-the-table” job history, most places around where I live take one look at my application, and then delete it (very few places in my area do paper applications anymore). I have no chance to explain that I’ve either done things to generate income on my own (lawn mowing, etc.) or I was working for temp agencies.

So, even though I’ve been looking for a job for over 2 years, no one will seem to hire me around where I live. And another problem there, on the job front, is the kinds of people who live in my area. Around here, people will throw you under the bus to save their own ass, in a split second. For example: I was working as 1 of 2 lab assistants at a local biotech company. I walked into work one morning, and proceeded to head to the lab assistant work room (where we stored our stuff, and where we cleaned beakers, flasks, fittings, etc. for the lab equipment). As I arrived to the work room, I noticed that the light was off, which was unusual, as the other lab assistant was always there before me, literally every day that I worked there. Thinking maybe he was sick, or missed his bus to work, I shrugged it off...

So I walk into the room, flip on the light, and find that there is a $6,000+ glass pressure vessel sitting on the counter, cracked in half and partially shattered. I immediately started to put my stuff down so I could go inform one of my superiors about this pressure vessel that somehow got broken and put into the lab assistants work room, when all of the sudden, the other lab assistant walks into the room, says “OOOOOO!!!!!” like a child (he was homosexual, and a bit immature for his age) and then runs off and tells management that I broke the $6,000+ pressure vessel, and that I had washed it to remove my fingerprints, and that he caught me trying to put it on a cart to take it out to the dumpster to get rid of the evidence... Being that he was an employee there for much longer than I, they believed him, and fired me immediately, without any chance to explain my side.

And this isn’t the only time something like this has happened to me....

At another job, when I was working for a catering company that allowed employees to pick their own schedule, I got a call from the lady who handled event scheduling. She was desperately trying to find employees who were available to work a specific event, as they were going to be understaffed if she didn’t find people... The event was 1 1/2-2 weeks away, but apparently the event organizers who hired the company for catering staff wanted to know which employees were going to be there a week in advance, and she was running out of time. She begged me “can you PLEASE work this event?” to which I responded “Sure, when is it, and where is it” to which she replied “I don’t have the specifics in front of me at the moment, but if you can do it, I’ll email you the details tonight or tomorrow when I get into the office” and so I said “Sure, as long as you get me the details, I’ll be there”.

The end of the day rolls around, no email. Next day, no email. Next day, I call her, ask her about the details, she assures me that I’ll get an email with the details by the end of the day. End of the day? Nothing, no email. So I kept trying to get her to send me the details, and she kept assuring me that I’d have the details before the event... The day of the event, I call her extension at the office to find out the details, no answer, so I leave a message telling her to call me a.s.a.p. to give me the details. Never heard back from her. Tried to call a few more times. Nothing. So I figured “well, I tried... maybe they ended up not needing me.”

Nope. Of course not.

The next day my boss calls me:

Boss: Dude. Where the fuck were you yesterday? You fucked me, man.”

Me: I tried to make it, but I didn’t know where or what time the event was happening becau...”

Boss: *interrupts* “Bullshit. You talked to *scheduling manager*, right? You told her you’d work this event, right?

Me: “Yes, but she never sent me the details of the event, I’ve been trying to get them from her all week”

Boss: “Well, that’s not my problem. You said you’d work this event, you didn’t, so now I have no choice but to give you a warning... You’re barred from working events for a week, or until you sign the warning and accept responsibility for your failure to work the event, whichever is longer.”

Me: “I’m sorry for not showing up, but I will not take responsibility for something that wasn’t my fault... I would have gladly worked the event, had the scheduling manager provided me with the info I needed like she said she would. I wasn’t there because she didn’t do her job. This isn’t on me, so I will not sign the warning.”

Boss: “You can either sign the warning, and take the week off, or you’re banned from working for us ever again, your choice.”

Me: “Well, I’m not willing to take the fall for someone else’s failure to do their job. Maybe you should take a closer look at who you have handling scheduling instead of punishing a faithful employee who has never been late, or a problem.”

Boss: “Look. You can either come in and sign the warning, or be banned from working for us ever again, your choice.” *click*

So, yet again, I was thrown under the bus by one of my fellow employees. Did I handle the situation perfectly? No. Probably not, but that doesn’t make them punishing me for someone else failing to do their job ok.

So, as you can tell, finding work around here doesn’t seem to work, and even when it does, it’s a shitty situation anyways.

And even if I were to find work right now, I’d still be fucked, and stuck living in my fathers house... Why? See, he’s now broke. He was a corporate executive, and left his job years ago over issues within the company. He didn’t have the cash to retire, and was going to find another job after taking a year off, but when that year ended, he never bothered to start looking for work again. Now, many years later, after spending his money as if he still had a 6 figure salary coming in, he’s broke. Now he wants me to go find a job, and give him all of my money so that he can continue to pay his bills. If I get a job, and I don’t just hand over my money? He’ll kick me out, and I’ll be homeless. And around here, if an employer finds out you’re homeless, guess what they do? They fire your ass. Good ol’ Pennsylvania “at-will” employment, where they can fire you for pretty much no reason what-so-ever. Or, just because you’re homeless.

So, basically, I am contemplating starting over from scratch. I’m thinking of selling everything I own (which isn’t much at this point) and using that money to relocate to another part of the country, so I can hopefully find work, and get my life together, far from my father so he can’t purposefully throw wrenches into my gears. Where I’ll move to is up in the air... I have some friends who just gave up on this area entirely and moved to Seattle, Washington, and they might be able to find me a couch to crash on while I get things going for myself there... But I’m not sure that Seattle is the place for me either.... Basically, I’m trying to find a way out of this mess I call my life, so I can get a “new life” going for myself, I’m just unsure how to do it.

Like I said, I could sell all of my possessions to do so... Or I could try to start a crowdfunding campaign to do it. Or even something else entirely... What do you you think I should do? What would you do if you were in my position?

I can use all the help I can get...

NOTICE TO TROLLS AND THOSE WITH NEGATIVE/HATERISH REPLIES: If you’re not going to be helpful, don’t bother replying. I have neither the will, nor the patience to deal with such bullshit, and will summarily ignore your replies. I don’t need the stress, so please, for real, don’t bother to reply unless you’re going to say something helpful.

If the trolling/negative replies outweigh the helpful/positive replies, I’m just going to delete this post. I have more than enough bullshit and stress to deal with (this post is but a small glimpse, the tip of the iceberg) and so I’m not going to deal with any negative/trollish BS replies.

georgechristensen > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 05:58

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Shit man, you sound like me in a few years but replace father with mother. I don’t think crowdfunding is a good idea but then again I also don’t know how much your assets are worth and being Australian I don’t know if that’ll get you anywhere you want to go. Seattle from what I’ve heard is pretty costly but you did say you weren’t so hot on the place so I don’t know. Although if you have friends there you could go and visit for a bit and see how you feel about it then.

Random Commenter > georgechristensen 08/06/2015 at 06:05

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My problem with selling all of my stuff is this: Even if I sell everything, I’ll probably only have enough money to fly somewhere, and have a bit of money for food for a week or so. I don’t have all that much in the way of possessions anymore, and most of what I do have has little value to anyone but me. So it’s a gamble, but it could be worth it to move to a nicer area, with nicer people, far from my old man so he can’t fuck shit up for me anymore... I just don’t know what to do... I’m desperate at this point... which is obvious, as I’m posting about my “dirty laundry” on Oppo...

davedave1111 > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:06

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Dude, everyone’s life sucks somehow. Don’t get hung up on it and depressed, just roll with it. If everything you say is realistic, then you have two things you need to do.

1) Get a bit fucking creative on that CV. You didn’t mow lawns for cash, you ran your own business in the lawncare sector. Or just flat-out lie, no-one ever checks references and if one company does, there’s another company down the street looking, and they won’t check.

2) Move. Move somewhere with work. Grab a few hundred bucks any way you can, then get on a bus to New York or wherever. Take the jump, head off there with nothing arranged, put some effort into finding work and shelter, and you’ll be OK - in any decent city you’ll meet good people who’ll help you out with a couch for a few days or something.

davedave1111 > davedave1111 08/06/2015 at 06:08

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Oh, and one more thing: if your dad’s really that much of a dick, maybe you ought to ‘borrow’ some of his possessions and sell them for the cash you need.

Random Commenter > davedave1111 08/06/2015 at 06:12

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Don’t tempt me... I’m sure he’d notice, and I’m also sure he’d call the cops and press charges.

Thanks for the input... Both of your suggestions could be useful, so thank you.

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:20

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Dude, Military. You may end up getting stuck with the Army, but you can see if the Air Force Reserves will let you in. I'm active duty Air Force and it definitely helped. I was born and raised in California and things were just too expensive for me there. I couldn't get a good job and I needed rent money. So I enlisted. It may not sound like the coolest thing to do, and sometimes it's not, but it's a job and you can get moved somewhere or travel the world. Good luck bro.

Random Commenter > Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? 08/06/2015 at 06:23

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TBH, I don’t think I’d pass the physical requirements... I have a bad back, and bad knees... plus I’m a longtime smoker who can’t run up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

georgechristensen > Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? 08/06/2015 at 06:26

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This is also a good idea, I’ve considered this but they won’t let me in here because I’ve been prescribed antidepressants for 5 years now and can’t run 10km. They might be a bit more lenient in America. Hopefully OP doesn’t get placed somewhere in PA if he enlists.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:27

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Sounds like a shitty situation, for sure. What part of PA do you live in? Is there a climate that is preferable to you?

If you really don’t have anything holding you to the area, I say moving sounds like a pretty good idea. I might suggest somewhere that is a touristy destination, as I’m sure they can always use the help. No, these won't be great jobs, but they're at least something. Maybe somewhere in Florida around Orlando?

GhostZ > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:29

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Family is shit, don’t rely on them to make your life work. You have to be willing to cut people out of your life, family or not, if they are holding you back.

The worst thing you can do right now is move to your friends in Seattle, crash there, and then have them let you down and cause you to end up on the street. You’ll spend a few months on their couch, eating their food, and that will start to make the relationships really tense as you fumble for a job, but can’t keep focused because the rest of your life isn’t in order. Focus on a job first, moving second.

This is what I’ve learned is necessary if you want to become self-sufficient and successful:

1. Read more books. Lots of them. Spend a few hours a day reading classic novels and watching classic movies, start with things that are on Time’s “100 best books to read before you die” list. Why? Because reading these things will teach you how to write and talk to people with confidence and wit, and that is 90% of all it takes to get a job. Being clever, aware of pop culture, and well-read will get you further in life, and make more people like you, than any degree or career. Pirate as much as you can, don’t pay for movies or music or media.

2. Work a dead end retail job. Do it. Endure it. Take it for as long as you can, because you need an income. Save as much money as you can, start with building $1000 emergency fund. Then, look around for apartments to move into. Plan your budget so that you can, on your monthly income, afford Rent, Food, Utilities, Misc. expenses, insurance, subscriptions. Leave yourself 20% leftover for pleasure or savings. Pleasure means takeout food once in a while, going to a movie, or putting money toward better clothes or similar things. Start measuring things in Dollars per Day. If your laundry detergent lasts 20 loads, 1 load a week, and costs $20? That’s 14 cents per day. Set aside 14 cents per day for laundry detergent. It’s simple math.

3. Wake up at the same time every day. Shower. Shave. Work out for 30 minutes. Stick to this schedule. Why? Because it disciplines you. It makes it so you can follow through with your plans. It gives you no excuses for missing work, and it lets you clear your head every morning before you start making bad decisions.

4. Read the damn ingredients list for anything you consume. Don’t know what it is? Google it. Read up on it, if it sounds bad for you, don’t eat it. Start keeping track of what you eat so that if something makes you feel lethargic or upset, don’t fucking eat it again . Eliminate shitty food from your diet one at a time. Healthy food is not expensive.

5. Limit your food spending to 200 calories per dollar, ideally 300. That’s $200-$300 a month. Rice, beans, spinach, etc. no takeout or fast food. Follow daily recommended values, count your calories, and keep a food journal if you have to. Invest in a good set of cookware so you can cook for yourself. Don’t sacrifice your health for slightly cheaper food.

6. Plan everything. Use google calender. Budget every hour of your day, and stick to it. Use Microsoft excel and put in all of your expenses and income and learn to balance a budget. It’s simple math.

7. “Do I really need to be talking to this person? Are they worth having in my life? What cost and risks do I have by being close to them?” Start asking these questions. Coworker keep trying to take you out to fancy restaraunts and costing you money? Learn to tell him No. Significant other stressing your life out?

8. Got emotional problems? Use online chat. Don’t go trying to make tons of friends because it’s going to take more time than you have. Wait until you’re self-sufficient financially before building a list of friends. Your emotions are going to fuck you up. Learn to keep working despite them. It’s better to be moving forward and miserable, than happy and sliding back. Worry about your happiness when your survival is no longer at stake.

9. Send out 25-100 resumes a day to get a job. Put yourself in a position where you have multiple offers, and pursue jobs with a passion. Call them. Don’t rely on your resume. Talk to real people.

10. Be willing to move away from everyone. But make sure you have a reason to move somewhere, that means either having a job already open, or not. Feel free to apply to places that aren’t where you live, as long as you explain your circumstances. Do skype interviews.

11 . Start buying things that are worth it. Once you’ve got savings and a steady income, buy things that do one or both of two things: 1. Give you more time during the day to do other things. or 2.

12. Stop buying things in stores. Stop using credit cards. Cash and Debit only. Buy things online for the cheapest price possible, and plan ahead so you can wait for shipping. Use Debit cards or cash-based gift cards if you don’t have a bank account yet (assuming there’s no fees associated with the gift cards). Don’t use credit cards or anything with interest.

13. When buying things: “How long will this last? Can I sell it when I’m done? How much can I sell it for”

14. Phones and Laptops are critically important. They are your best investments. A good, solid smartphone is more important in a job than a tie. Phones and laptops are your connections to the outside world, they let you learn online, communicate with people rapidly. A laptop is more valuable an investment than a roof over your head, in many cases. You can always make money so long as you have a laptop and know how to use it.

15. Stop. Relying. On. Other. People. They will fuck you over, either because they don’t like you, or they’re just bad at their jobs. NEVER put yourself in a position where someone else’s good will or promises is all that keeps you from getting screwed.

16. Swallow your damn pride and suck up to your boss. Ask them for advice, emulate them. If they’re an idiot, try to understand why and work WITH them rather than against them. You NEED their approval to keep your job, so who gives a shit if your dignity is at stake? You’re in the jungle. Survival is more important than your pride or dignity. Don’t be spineless but don’t blame others for their failures when you’re in a shitty spot, even if that’s what got you there.

17. Have enough in savings to last 2 months without a job. Minimum. Shit happens. You’ll get fired. You need enough time to survive without falling behind and get to the next job. Be willing to cut down your expenses to bare minimums.

18. Always have an extra job available. The reason you send out so many resumes and meet so many people is because you need to create a buyer’s market for yourself. Always have more options than the guy standing next to you, even if you have to work yourself to the bone to get them.

19. Meet people just for the sake of knowing them. Remember names. Write them down. Keep a book or a file full of names and numbers. There’s a reason that executives still keep rolodexes, they’re damn useful and knowing people is a huge part of being independent and secure.

20. Be exhausted at the end of the day. If you’re not, then you’re not doing enough to help yourself. You should be working 9AM to 12PM for yourself. 8 hours of work, 2 hours of reading, 2 hours of a free online

21. Crowdfunding does not work the way you think it does. And it’s stupidly risky. Do not put yourself in that kind of risk.

22. Start learning something new online. Learn to program. Learn photoshop. Learn whatever the fuck you can, because eventually you’re going to use that to do freelance work to help earn more money, so you can make $40/hr instead of $10/hr, and not have a boss. Learn how to paint, how to compose music, whatever. As long as you can show something for your work. Spend 1-2 hours a day on these things, they are your new hobbies.

23. Build a porfolio. Take everything you’ve learned and DO things with them. Create art, create websites or programs, do photo editing, do something and put them together to show what you’ve learned. Fuck talent, master a skill through hard work. Once you’ve done that, you have something WAY more powerful than any resume can be.

24. Criticize your world. Start hating things more. Start understanding why things fail, why people make mistakes, start critically analyzing everything around you so you don’t repeat it. Don’t assume people know what they are doing.

25. Learn to recognize beauty. You need to feel good about yourself? Beautiful art and music. Go for a walk in some down time. Go watch the sun rise. See a beautiful movie. Look at a beautiful car. Learn to recognize and express beauty so you can learn how to create it.

26. Learn how to build and maintain a computer. Learn how to prevent viruses, install your own OS, etc. This is just like changing your oil, and it will cost you tons if you rely on other people to do it for you.

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. You are only as strong as the weakest thing it takes to knock you back to 0.

Grab a spear and a rock, caveman, and go kill your dinner.

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:32

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Sounds like you need to kick that habit then. I smoked for the first couple years while in the Air Force. Barely passing (and sometimes not) the physical tests. Basic Training is designed to get you ready for the physical part. Also, the Army will take just about anyone.

Random Commenter > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 08/06/2015 at 06:36

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I live about 10-15 minutes by car from Philadelphia... As for climate, as long as it’s not cold all the time, I could care less... So, I guess pretty much anywhere in the contiguous 48 states is acceptable... I’m more worried about finding work at a location, than what the local weather is like.

About the only things keeping me in this area are family (my dad is pretty much the only family member I don’t get along with), and the few friends I still talk to (a lot of my friends stopped talking to me long ago because they didn’t believe me about my situation, some friends, eh?)... Other than that, I don’t really have much reason to stay... I’m just hesitant about moving away because at least if things don’t work out here, at least for the moment, I have a place to stay... If I up and leave, and move across the country, if things don’t work out, I’ll be homeless, and far from anyone who can help me out. And considering how often shit goes wrong in my life, it’s a scary idea for me to roll the dice and just up and leave.

KatzManDu > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:44

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You gotta do what you gotta do to save yourself, and if that means standing up for yourself, selling your kit and venturing out to get stable and on your own two feet, go for it.

Also, ways to be cheap. Take bus, don’t fly.

Oil Fields in North Dakota are a thing, now. It may be worth researching that as a place to go to get a decent $$$ job. Google the heck out of it.

UTI is a stupid-expensive private, for-profit school. Look at local community colleges and score welding and/or HVAC certifications and/or plumbing. There are real needs for those skills (see Mike Rowe’s essays.) You may be able to go to a local community college on FAFSA/self-loans alone and not need a co-signer since it will be cheaper.

Americorps. Or Peace Corps. Gets you away from an “ugly” environment to clear your head, possibly learn some skills, meet people, etc, and not as dangerous as military (or as physically demanding, as you’ve talked about back/knee issues.) You get $$$ for schooling, too.

Random Commenter > Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? 08/06/2015 at 06:47

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I’ve tried, man... But I’ve never succeeded... It probably doesn’t help that smoking is one of the ways I deal with stress.

And TBH, I don’t think I’m cut out for military.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 06:50

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Piggybacking on Dave's idea about your resume, as he said most jobs won't check it. And if they do, put places on there that don't exist anymore. Who says you didn't work at Circuit City for 5 years? How do they prove it? The whole objective is at least getting you on an interview. Once you get there then it's on you to show why they should hire you.

davedave1111 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 08/06/2015 at 07:06

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Heck, if you can’t get a friend to give you a reference...

davedave1111 > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 07:07

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“I’m sure he’d notice, and I’m also sure he’d call the cops and press charges.”

So make sure he can’t prove shit.

Random Commenter > davedave1111 08/06/2015 at 07:16

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I’ve tried to get references from my “friends”... But as it turns out, almost all of my “friends” were actually “fair-weather friends”... There for me when times were good... Ghosts when times are bad. When I asked around for references... they didn’t even bullshit me, they just never bothered to respond. Didn’t answer my calls, or reply to my emails. Little to say, they can all go fuck themselves.

davedave1111 > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 07:21

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You just don’t know enough dodgy people :)

Seriously, though, you do sound a bit depressed - understandable in your sitch. Are you seeing anyone about that?

I’ve done my own reference before now, just used a burner phone and spoke in a silly voice. None of these problems are really insurmountable.

If you’re ever really desperate for work (in a city) go to the restaurant district around 4PM, go around the back doors of every restaurant, someone will need a dishwasher that day because their normal guy didn’t turn up. At the very least you’ll get fed and get some cash, you might even get a lead on some good work out of it. You just have to have the confidence to go out and give it a whirl.

Random Commenter > davedave1111 08/06/2015 at 07:27

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Seriously, though, you do sound a bit depressed - understandable in your sitch. Are you seeing anyone about that?

I am. I’m very depressed. I’m 34, broke, single, living in my parent’s house with very little possessions of my own, and apparently only have a small number of real friends, so...

And no, I’m not seeing anyone about it because I’m broke, and I don’t know of any way I can go see someone about it. I suppose I could look into it, but I’ve been spending most of my time trying to find a way out of this mess, so I haven’t yet.

davedave1111 > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 07:31

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Well, at least acknowledge that you may be painting things a somewhat darker shade than they really are. You can’t go around lying to yourself or wallowing in self-pity if you want to get better, but those are things that depression makes you do.

Is there any kind of free clinic near you? Antidepressants are cheap as chips, you just need a prescription.

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 07:37

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Hey man, to each his own. I found an easy(ish) way to cut smoking was to use a vaporizer and sunflower seeds. Basically, replace the habit with something else. And with vaporizers, you can choose the nicotine strength. I have mostly 0% nicotine but I do keep a couple 6% nicotine strength ones for the days where I've just had enough.

Random Commenter > davedave1111 08/06/2015 at 07:49

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TBH, I don’t really have a need to make things appear a darker shade than they actually are... My life sucks even more than I’ve let on here... But I get where you’re coming from. As for free clinics? I don’t know. I think I might look into it though.

jariten1781 > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 08:41

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My usual advice for these situations is the military, but due to age that boat may have sailed. I’d still go check with each service’s recruiter as well as the National Guard and Coast Guard to see what they can do. You can correct or waiver whatever physical issues you may have so you might not be on the next bus to Great Lakes, but in two or three months time you can get ‘good enough’ to go to boot if you seriously dedicate yourself to changing your situation. There’re jobs for every walk of life; secretaries, number crunchers, cooks, supply clerks, etc. in addition to ‘military’ type military roles.

To change a situation you have to change three items: People, Places, Things. Sounds like your mind is getting to the right place so it’s time to take action. You need to drop all your vices and luxuries (cigs, booze, fancy phone, whatever); You need to get out of your location, that can be moving across town or across the country; You need to drop every toxic relationship. Keep just one of those three things the same and it’s totally possible it will derail you before you get to your feet.

You mentioned flying in another reply. Flying is a luxury. You should be looking at Grey Hound, Megabus, ride-share sites, whatever and selecting whatever is the barebones cheapest option to get where you’re going.

When you get there, join a popular church. Doesn’t matter what you’re feelings are on religion; Churches are communities with resources, use them. Join, talk to the priest and explain exactly what your situation is, volunteer for all the service projects, committees, clubs, etc. You’ll find there are tons of people who own and manage businesses, as a part of every church, who are very willing to take a chance on hiring the new, hard working and involved guy even if his resume would not even get a second glance if it came in blind.

While you’re looking for a job you need to dedicate more time to finding one than you want to work when you get one. If you’re willing to work 70 hours a week to get out of your situation then dedicate 75 hours to finding work. Schedule that shit too, don’t do it ad-hoc. Get a cheap planner and pencil in where you’ll be doing what to find a job. Stick to that schedule. Last time I was looking that consisted of either being on the street going face to face glad-handing/talking to managers and filling out application or being in the library from open to close (not at home with a TV playing, answering texts, whatever) either taking free courses or filling out electronic resumes/responding to job search related emails. Speaking of, I established a new ‘job-search’ related gmail and google voice, which were the only communications I would read/answer during my scheduled job search hours.

Finally, apply for every bit of assistance (government, non-profits, etc) that’s out there even if you think you’re ineligible. Sometimes stuff just falls your way (I lived in Section 8 housing during college which no one even realized was possible...and it’s not anymore, but you never know what’s available until you try).

Shit’s hard and exhausting but immanently doable. Dedicate yourself, worry only about the things you can effect (wash yourself clean of the past and the things you can’t control), and you’ll land on your feet.

miadaman? yes please > GhostZ 08/06/2015 at 08:47

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I like where the list is going a lot, it’s very important to be proactive rather than reactive in the environment we live in. While it’s necessary to beg for jobs through our normal interview process, it’s even more so crucial to self improve and creating an online identity of yourself whenever possible.

BJ > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 09:26

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1. Start getting in shape. Cut back on smokes and go for daily walks or bike rides to get your knees and back used to activity. This will keep moneky in your pockets, help you feel better, and will perhaps open up doors to other employment opportunities that require physical effort.

2. Are there any general laborer jobs open in your area? Sweeping floors, cleaning up workshops, something basic that gets you a bit of cash. Not only will this help you save up to get out, but you can give a little something to your father as a token of goodwill. Tell him you’re broke, too, but you can give him $40 a week or something to start.

3. Patch up your resume. If you mowed lawns, make up a company name “Random Commenter’s Pro Lawn Care Services” and use that. It’s not lying, it’s decorating. If you look serious about the little things, people will take you seriously.

4. Start preparing mentally for the next step. Tell yourself that you’re going out of your comfort zone and that you’re going to make things better. Change is scary, change is good. Talk to your close friends about it.

5. If you have friends in faraway places, look seriously at opportunities in the area where they can help and start making a plan. What are the job opportunities? How much does a cheap apartment cost? Are there dates that these friends can be available? Put the numbers together and see what can happen, and then start making calls.

6. Get out. It sounds like your father is in a spiral, and when he ends up in deep shit, you will, too. Tell him you’re going to visit friends and get on the bus (the bus sucks, but it’s cheaper than an airplane). If things work out, stay. If things don’t, come back from your “visit” and start planning your next escape.

Don’t give up. You’ll get there, and no matter where “there” is it’ll be a step in the right direction!

(Oh, and check out The Cigar Lounge - it was started by some former Oppos as the type of place to discuss this very type of thing. The moderators will maybe want to move your post there.)

BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE > KatzManDu 08/06/2015 at 09:26

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Oil Fields. I’ve heard that up in the Dakotas and Alberta you can start off at 100k+ a year for doing what's basically unskilled labor. I'd check that out.

BJ > GhostZ 08/06/2015 at 09:29

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This is an excellent list! GhostZ’s How to improve your life in 26 steps

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 09:37

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First of all, you forward emails if you have a chain like that. You had proof.

Second, Seattle is a total mess with a crazy booming economy. The congestion is insane, the housing market is insane (good luck finding a rental that you can afford within 40 miles of your workplace, let alone a rental you can afford on less than dual six-figure incomes), prices in general are skyrocketing on everything, the topology works against the economy, etc, but it’s almost impossible, short of being completely useless, to fail to find a job in this town. Tech is the big money maker, but we need a lot of people just to support the demand from the tech people.

Also, if you’re a dependable and reliable worker, my company pays at least $15/hr (not the Seattle min wage, this is in a statewide minimum wage area, so over 150% of that) and they’re within a decent commuting distance of reasonably-priced (relative) housing. Once the interns return to school, we’ll probably be hiring more shop people (pretty soon). Super chill workplace and some car people among our ranks, too.

Amass some cash and GTFO. I had to do that, biding my time, until I found a job opportunity, then I split. Ensure your transportation is reliable and try build as big of a nest egg as you can, then figure out what friends can help you, who you can trust, and execute the plan. If you can, search ahead for jobs in potential target destinations, too. You might have something lined up before you even leave.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE 08/06/2015 at 10:02

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Not too fast. I’m in Alberta I moved here pursuing the same thing you said and it’s simply not the case anymore. I mean yes there is more money to be made here than other places but it’s not a gold mine, the oil is in the shitter right now.

I’ve been here for 10 years and my hourly rate varied between jobs as I got more experienced but mind you I was never in the oil patch.

I started at 20 years old with no experience whatsoever at $13.75/hour. Changed jobs started at $15/hr worked my way up to 19/hr then the company closed. Started the same job elsewhere started at $17/hr up to 24/hr. Relocated in Alberta to my current job started at $24 and I’m now at $28.30/hr.

It helps that I only had 4 jobs in 10 years and to of those was over 4 years each so I have that working for me on my CV

I’m right in Edmonton if that matters at all. I’m still making way more than I would be if I was home but the $100K/yr for unskilled labor is a myth even in Fort Mcmurray.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 10:14

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I was sort of in the same boat. My parents were great and supportive tho but I kept working dead end jobs because there was just no work in my neck of the woods. At 20 years old having never left the house. I took my last $350 bucks bought a one way plane ticket to Alberta where the jobs where. Gave my 2 weeks notice and left a week and a half later with no real work experience, single,$380 bucks in my pocket and a crappy $5 suitcase.

Welp tell you what. That was 10 years ago and it is still to this day the smartest decision I’ve ever made. I’m now married with a kid on the way, I have a nice house, we have 2 newish cars and I have enough disposable income to fuck around with 2 old classic cars as well.

Moral of the story is if you want something in life it’s up to you to go for it. No one will hand you what you want on a silver platter. It wasn’t easy at first and there were times where I did not know where my next meal would come from but I never gave up and now I would call myself successful & happy.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 10:20

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If you move somewhere and it doesn’t work out you are just a bus/plane ride away from home. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t let you be homeless so she would get you a ticket if you needed one.

I moved straight across the country 4000 miles away and one of my uncles called me that was lived just 2 provinces away (900 ish miles) and said if anything goes wrong anything at all call me and I’ll go get you and you can stay at my place until you figure it out. I never had to call him but at least it gave me peace of mind.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Random Commenter 08/06/2015 at 10:26

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I know it’s addictive and a habit, but smoking sucks money right out of you. If you can get off those things, amassing the money to GTFO will be a lot easier. Every pack is that much more money between you and your goals.

BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 08/06/2015 at 10:51

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I have no clue what I'm talking about haha. Though from what you're saying, I'm guessing it's a boom-and-bust type thing up there. Just going off stuff I've heard. Glad you're doing well!

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE 08/06/2015 at 11:08

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Yup in 2006 ish that might of been the case but the economy crashed in 2008 and again this year so you actually have to earn your money.

Yes you will probably make $25-30 in the oil patch for general labour but not a 100K probably closer to $60K and considering a 1 bedroom apartment cost $2500/month in rent or more that is actually barely a living wage.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > GhostZ 08/06/2015 at 11:15

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Some of these are super questionable recommendations, like #12 and #9.

#9 - While the resume is still a thing you need to send, you’re an idiot if you send them alone. Write a cover letter specifically for the job, especially with businesses under ~1k people, which are the vast majority of them. You can be a truly mediocre candidate, but if you show that you are legitimately interested in their business, that you care enough to learn a bit about their company, and that you’re willing to write a nice custom letter to them, you’ll have a far higher chance of them responding and interviewing you. We interview crap candidates (and sometimes hire them) because they are willing to learn about us and they’re genuinely interested. You can’t teach people to give a shit about your industry, but if they do, they’re 75% of the way to being decent employees. You can’t send out 25-100 of these a day, trust me. Pick your battles. Be selective, you don’t want to write a custom cover letter to somewhere you don’t want to work. Apply for stuff that interests you, explain to them why you want to work there, and you’ll have a much better shot at getting the job.

#12 - Terrible advice mixed with good advice. Use credit cards. Unsecured ‘debt’ is your friend. If you’re disciplined enough to do some of the earlier things in this list, making sure you only spend within your budget on a CC is not hard, just be sure you can and do pay it off as soon as that bill comes in. People that pay interest on credit cards are stupid. Some people use them in a stupid manner, but using them right is smart. Buying gas and having a $150 hold on your bank account because you used a debit card is stupid. Not being able to check into a hotel or rent a car because you don’t have a credit card is stupid. Using a debit card and getting that number stolen is the height of stupidity, since it allows people to steal your money , which you may never get back. Only stick that debit card in a trusted ATM and avoid that whenever possible. If you’re buying stuff online, always use a credit card. The protections alone are worth any small amount of suffering you incur by paying a bill once a month. It also builds your credit and many employers check that (I’d say more check your credit than your references - references can be faked, while well-maintained credit histories cannot.).

#14 - Laptops are expensive for what you get (cheap ones are shitty, heavy, and won’t last, while ones that’ll last longer are very expensive). A good smartphone will cover 90% of what you’d do on a laptop and you’ll use them more. While a laptop is useful in job hunting when you’re moving around, I wouldn’t say it’s a necessity. Their only benefit is a keyboard and Skype, which you can usually do with a much smaller tablet, and for that I’d recommend either a Surface or Android tablet.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE 08/06/2015 at 11:17

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Except housing cannot be found for any price in most of these areas and the super high paying jobs are long gone. The housing that is available will be boom-town expensive, like major coastal cities or worse.

BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 08/06/2015 at 11:31

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Yeah that's something else. Apparently a single-wide trailer is like $50k or something

GhostZ > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 08/06/2015 at 12:33

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I covered most of what you talked about in #9 with other points, this was more of a stream of consciousness thing and less of a hard and fast comprehensive cover. Yeah, 25 resumes a day is no means of a job guarantee, but combined with good referrals and proof of work it can be fairly powerful.

When you’re aiming to get a job though, regardless of the quality, just to survive, brute force goes a long way.

As for #12, I think breaking the habits of relying on unsecured debt is extremely important, but most of your complaints here aren’t that valid and definitely aren’t exempt from credit cards. You can check into a hotel with a debit card. Having a credit card doesn’t mean your numbers won’t be stolen (Credit cards are actually easier to steal the info for, no PIN required), having a hold on your account is no more likely to happen with a debit card as it is with a credit card where you miss a payment. Your concerns with a debit card make me think that you haven’t actually used one before, as all debit cards are issued by major credit card companies anyway and have those protections. I’ve never heard of most of these complains before.

As for 14, I actually agree a lot. I didn’t consider tablets but there’s a valid point there.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE 08/06/2015 at 16:27

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Yeah the Mobile homes are reasonably inexpensive to buy but the lot rent is atrocious.

This one here is $1700/month for lot rent or you can buy the lot for $254K.

The trailer tho is only $99K which isn’t bad for the area.

http://www.realtor.ca/Residential/Si…

BReLp7dzHM3ytYsE > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 08/06/2015 at 16:27

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That's just crazy man.

davedave1111 > Random Commenter 08/07/2015 at 08:12

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There’s no need, but then the nature of depression is that it’s an illness that makes you think/feel/act irrationally. However dark things may be, they’ll seem even darker if you’re depressed.

911e46z06 > Random Commenter 08/07/2015 at 19:48

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Think about Alaska. Specifically commercial fishing and oil stuff up north. They pay really good money, and you don’t have to worry about finding a place to stay.